Monday, October 19, 2009

Labor Pains

What a week it has been! I hardly know where to start and even feel myself giving a big sigh as I write this. A week ago, I received word that the attorney in Michigan needed to get in touch with the birth mom because there was another form that needed to be signed. Come to find out, this form should have been signed when the other papers were signed but for some reason was not. So the birth mom left town and headed back to Toledo , OH where she was living prior to moving back to Michigan during her third trimester without telling anyone.

At the same time the birth mom had her phone turned off and was unreachable. So finally a family memeber reached her on Thursday by calling some random numbers that were found on a cell phone that the birth mom had borrowed weeks ago. The birth mom was informed that there was another paper for her to sign but indicated that she may or may not return to Michigan on Friday. Well, long story short, she did not return and was again unreachable until Sunday afternoon when she resurfaced. So I got the number she was at and called and said that I would drive to Toledo, OH (which is a 2 hour drive one way from where I am staying) and meet her at McDonald's so she could sign the document. Well she didn't show and kept delaying us. So we asked to go to her directly and she gave us the location of a party store in a not so great part of town. So we went there and she finally showed up over an hour after our agreed upon time. It was definitely awkward, but I was able to bite my tongue, get her to sign the paper and immediately left. Please pray for her, she is very lost and still has 2 children in her care.

So this morning I took the form to the lawyer's office here in Michigan and he hand delivered it to Lansing to the ICPC Office which is about 1 hour from here. They received it and have released my homestudy to the state of Indiana and I am waiting on a call so I can leave. I packed the car and am hopeful that I can leave today, as I just got word it could still be tomorrow:(

I did not have to go through the actual labor of childbirth with Sophie, but this process has definitely been a labor in itself! Thanks to all of you who have been praying and offering your support! I have definitely felt it and so has Jeff. Please pray for Jacob who has been sick with croup and for Jeff who is worn out.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Happy 9th Birthday Jacob Daniel!




Jacob Daniel Spires born October 11, 2000 at 8:43 am weighing 9lbs 8oz. I can't believe you are 9 years old today, it honestly feels like you were born yesterday. I thought we told you we're not having anymore birthdays:) Oh, that's right you told me "mom, you can't stop me!" Which is so true buddy. No matter how I would like to slow down the clock, I wouldn't trade all we have been through for anything. I eagerly await the years and memories to come (but perhaps we could skip adolescence!)
As I sit here today and look at your baby sister, I am reminded of all the sweet memories of you at this age. You were the happiest baby, despite not really sleeping for your first 18 months and you smiled everywhere you went. Even when you were sick, dealing with your health and asthma problems. And you were all boy, kicking or throwing a ball all the time. It was obvious from a young age that you were passionate about life and I am proud of the way you have succeeded at home, in school or on the field and it is proof that you will really go far and I can not wait to watch you.
But most of all, I love your tender heart. You are such a loving young boy and I pray that Daddy and I can continue to shepherd your heart as you grow into the man God has intended you to be.
So today, even though I cannot be with you in person, I am thanking God for your sweet, young life and I am so grateful that God gave us you. Happy Birthday Honey!

Pretty In Pink!











My brother and sister-in-law had a birthday party yesterday for my sister-in-law's mother, who happens to be Sophie's biological great-grandmother. So many of Sophie's biological extended family were here for the party. (In case you were wondering, her birth mom was not here.) So in light of Sophie's debut, we went all pink with ruffles! She even had her eyes open for the photo shoot, unlike the others where she is often sleeping! I always knew it was true that baby girl clothes are cuter and more plentiful, and while I resented it when I shopped for my boys....I suddenly am loving it! I am so grateful for her and how much we have already bonded during my stay in Michigan. It is one of the blessings of being here! But, it is still true that I need to get home to my boys, especially the biggest! Jeff has done an amazing job of single parenting in my absence, and I am so blessed!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Constipation

Constipation- noun a state of slowing down, sluggishness, or inactivity.

Sophie has been struggling with constipation of the poopie kind. And after a change to Soy Formula, things have really started moving:) Well, I wish the same was true for the process of our return to Indiana. I can officially say the process is constipated!

After being told that our home study was forwarded onto the Michigan ICPC office last Thursday, come to find out our Child Protective Services Background Check had not been completed and held up the home study from being forwarded on. So, I was assured that in fact it was forwarded onto the office in Michigan today. Not only that, but Michigan has a slower process than Indiana and it could take 1-3 weeks from today to get an approval and an ok to return home.

I really am not coping well with the news. Sunday is Jacob's 9th Birthday and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are coming in from Arizona for their yearly visit and there is a baby shower for her and many festivities at Anderson University Homecoming for the 20th Anniversary of the Men's Soccer Program, where my hubby and his brothers all played. I am trying to have faith and believe that things will start moving soon.

Two Little Men, A Baby and A Daddy!


Daddy, Jacob and Sophie







Daddy, Caleb and Sophie


Jacob and Caleb on their first day of school!


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Reverse Order











Well, we completed our home study in record time but it did require that I make a trip back to Indiana without Sophie. On Tuesday, I drove the 4 1/2 hours back for a 40 minute appointment with a social worker and a quick visit with my doctor to complete the medical form. Sophie stayed in Michigan and received plenty of love from my friend and sister-in-law who watched her. I loved on my boys and hubby and then turned around and drove the 4 1/2 hours back to Michigan. The offer was made to stay the night, but I could not think about being away from her that long:)

Usually the home study is done early on in an adoption process, even before there is a placement. But we are definitely doing things in the reverse order here! I am not sure I understand completely what happens now, but will try to describe it in layman's terms. The home study is currently being forwarded to the ICPC Office in Michigan (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children) who will sign off and then it will go to Indiana ICPC Office and they will sign off. This is an acknowledgement between the states that an adoption is in process and the ICPC approval will be my ticket back home! The adoption process will continue and finalization will be in Judge Dennis Carroll's court in our county in Indiana. Judge Carroll is a great Christian man who has also adopted. So we are excited about finalization, but that will take 3-6 months.

I really am hoping to be home by Oct 9th, but there is NO guarantees about the time frames. The attorney we hired in Michigan is doing his best to use his contacts at the ICPC office in Michigan to expedite this in Michigan. Unfortunately, I have gotten word that things can move slowly here:( So, we can only pray at this point.
Even though this time is a gift to bond with her and spend the one-on-one time with her, I desperately miss my boys and hubby. She is such a pumpkin as you will see from these recent pics! Her cheeks just keep getting jucier and jucier!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Contentment




I love these pics of her, she is so precious!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Oh the girl clothes!




Sophie's Story




It is hard to believe that Jeff and I have the privilege of introducing you to our new baby daughter, Sophie Kay Spires and to tell you her story.

Jeff and I have always felt called to adoption and during the last couple years, we doubted at times if it would happen for us. We had come through a lot as a couple including the building of a new house. We were on vacation in July in Northern Michigan and had decided at that time that we would pray about pursuing adoption and see what happened. About 10 days later, we found out that my sister-in-law, Cindy's, niece was pregnant and was planning on giving the baby up for adoption. I knew the birth mom when she was a child, but had not seen her in 12 years, since we had moved to Indiana. Literally 2 days later we received another call from a woman in our church who's step-niece was pregnant in Florida and she wanted to know if we were interested in adopting that baby. Needless to say, we were shocked and unsure. We continued to pray and trust God had a plan.



After I had a conversation with the grandmother in Florida, it seemed unlikely that this baby would be ours. We continued to wait and at one point about 5-6 weeks ago, it looked like my sister-in-law's niece was going to call me personally to discuss a possible adoption of her baby girl. The call never came and we quickly learned that the birth mom had decided to give her baby to some friends. They had rented her a place and were helping her get on her feet. It was communicated to us that this was not the best home for this little one and that made it even harder.



We spent time grieving and for me personally, I really had to wrestle it out with God. It really became an issue of faith for me to believe that God is big enough for this baby, the baby in Florida and all the other children in the world who suffer. In the end, I submitted to Him and resolved myself that this must not be the plan for Jeff and I at this time. This process confirmed our heart for adoption and we decided we would pursue something else formally with an agency after the first of the year. Our boys knew about the possibility of this happening as we told them when we thought the birth mom was going to call me. It provided a great opportunity to talk to them about adoption and how we are all adopted by God (Ephesians1:5).



We thought this door was closed and I decided that I would start subbing on a part-time basis at the boys school to help the family budget and because I have loved working with the students there on a volunteer basis. I had to jump through several hoops to get my sub license and finally got into the system and on Friday, September 18th, I emailed the boys principal to let her know I had put in my availability and I was ready to start that next Monday.



Later that night I was laying in bed about 9:30pm reading a book and my cell phone rang. It was the birth mom who had decided that the other couple was not the best plan for the baby and she wanted to know if we were still interested in adopting her baby. She explained that she would be induced on Sunday morning and wanted to know if we could come? We talked for awhile and I told her I needed to talk to Jeff and I would call her back. Jeff and I talked and prayed and both felt like we needed to go and try. We would just keep seeking wisdom for each step of the way and trust that God would lead us, believing that God would provide what was needed if this was His will for us and this baby. We weren't even sure that it could happen that quickly.



Back when we were contacted about these possible babies, I spoke with an adoption attorney in Indianapolis, Michele Jackson. After the door had closed with both of these situations, we did not pursue a home study because we knew that it would be more "financially responsible" to wait till after the first of the year. So after I called the birth mom back to say we would come, I tried to get a hold of our attorney by calling her office at 10 something at night hoping she would leave a cell number on her work line or something? No such luck! We even called her parents who we go to church with in an attempt to beg it out of them and they were not home. I called my other sister-in-law and asked her to pray and told her that we were trying to get a hold of our attorney to find out if this was even feasible. She asked the name of our attorney and thought they might know each other since they were based in Anderson. She shared with me that a friend of a friend still has contact with Michele, and they were just talking about her the other day. So she called her friend at 11:15pm at night and her friend's sister-in-law is still friends with Michele and she happened to be texting her at that moment and would have Michele call us. So at 12 midnight Jeff and I were talking to Michele who indicated that it was feasible but that I should plan on staying in Michigan for awhile until I could get approval from the court (Interstate Compact) to cross the state line. She sent some important information to us on Saturday that we needed.



We had a full day ahead of us on Saturday with soccer commitments for the boys and a big carnival for National Youth Soccer Month. Jeff was at the field early that morning and we were going to be there till at least 5pm. I can't miss telling about the wonderful people we have in our lives. While we were at the soccer fields, a friend networked with another friend who had some infant girl clothes and when we got home on Saturday there was a box on my doorstep. Another neighbor mowed our lawn that Jeff had planned on mowing on Sunday(and now would be gone) and was overdue to be cut. Another friend stepped forward to help clean our house in preparation for a possible home study. And yet another started arranging meals for my boys when they returned to Indiana. And countless more offered to step up in anyway we needed. We arrived at my brother and sister-in-laws pretty late Saturday night



On Sunday, we dropped off my boys at my sisters' house and headed to the hospital. While we were at the hospital, we got reacquainted with the birth mom and at that point we were planning in waiting out the process at the hospital. Jeff and I left for dinner with some of my family as it looked like things were going really slow with the labor.



My mom cooked up a ton of food and all of my family got together at my brothers house. Someone asked if we had a name picked out and we did not. Thus started a discussion around the table about possible names and nicknames. It was a time of great laughter including Jacob laughing so hard he was crying and pounding the table. It was something I will never forget and was a needed relief from the whirlwind of the 2 previous days!



While we were eating, the birth mom called and invited me to stay in the delivery room for the birth. I was completely blown away and humbled. Jeff and I headed back to the hospital and Jeff stayed in the waiting room till about 1:30 am and I sent him home. I stayed with the birth mom and her mom through the night. The birth mom was in a ton of pain from back labor and it was really hard to watch her suffer and know my place. I mostly prayed and helped when and where I could. Finally the birth mom was able to get some rest and so did I.



We were at Hurley Hospital in downtown Flint. There was no deluxe birthing suite until you were well into labor, so we were in a tiny antepartum room. I didn't even know what antepartum meant until this experience. The labor and delivery waiting room had no couches either. So I wandered down to the main lobby where there was a blaring flat screen TV with a few couches and no security guard on duty. I took my chances and laid down using my purse as a pillow at 3:30am Monday morning. I had a hard time falling asleep because I was a bit nervous but eventually exhaustion took over. I awoke several times and remember seeing a girl in scrubs walking though the lobby. At 5 am I sat up rubbing my eyes and looked around and jumped out of my skin when I looked over on the couch next to me and found it too was occupied by a man with a giant afro. It made me laugh to know I was not alone and wondered how long he had been there? We must have been quite the pair, being the only ones in the lobby.



At 6:30am the birth mom was transferred into the deluxe room where she continued to labor. Things finally started moving along and she eventually dilated to 10. She pushed for 20 minutes and Sophie Kay Spires (we finally landed on a name at lunchtime Monday) was born at 2:16pm Monday, September 21st (which happens to be my sister's birthday). Weighing in at 6lbs 14oz and 19 1/4 inches long. Just as bright and alert as can be with a head full of dark hair. Sophie means "wisdom" which we sought from the moment we knew about her. Kay which was Jeff's mom's middle name. So her initials are SKS, just like Jeff's mom, Sharon Kay Spires. I will treasure forever the gift of being there for her birth and am humbled at being allowed to share in that moment with the birth mom.



We fell completely in love the moment we laid eyes on her and can't begin to describe how grateful we are. We left the hospital on Monday having nothing signed but had amazing peace and joy. We did not return Monday night as we wanted to give the birth mom time to be with Sophie.



In the meantime our lawyer was working to secure an attorney that we would retain on the birth mom's behalf to be her representative. We secured one late Monday and confirmed him Tuesday morning in time to find out the baby had been cleared for discharge from the hospital. To where?...we still had nothing signed. The attorney came in at 12:30pm to start the process.



I was able to talk one on one with the birth mom before the attorney arrived and I will forever treasure this time as I feel such tenderness for her and admire her courageous, excruciatingly difficult decision she made in giving up her baby girl. The papers were signed in the hospital and it was arranged that Sophie would be discharged into our care that very day. The birth mom was discharged first and we hugged and cried. It is all so bittersweet...it has been really hard knowing that our great joy has been her deep pain. She is constantly on my heart and mind.



So at 4pm Tuesday, September 22nd, we left the hospital with our baby girl, still pinching ourselves that this had all happened. We had to make a run though Babies R Us for supplies considering all we had was a car seat and a portable crib. We made it home to my brother and sister-in-law's and introduced Sophie to her big brothers and her aunts and uncles and Grandma O.



There is still so many things that happened during this time and I was constantly amazed how pieces came together, finances came together and people came together. I am still in awe that we brought a baby home from the hospital 3 days after we were invited to adopt her. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God for this blessing and for his gift of peace during the entire process. I pray we never forget all the ways God provided and is still providing for us.



So on Wednesday, I said good-bye to my husband and sons who headed back to Indiana while we finish the home study and work towards getting the Interstate Compact so I too can take Sophie home. While it is very hard to be away from my boys (all of them), I will take this time as a gift to be able to spend undivided time with Sophie and to bond with her. Please continue to pray that the process will be expedited and that I will be able to go home soon. In the meantime, I am humbled at the support that has been showered on us here in Michigan and in Indiana. I can't wait to tell Sophie about all the people who love her and all they have done for her already and about this great God we serve who knit her together in her mother's womb (Psalm 139:13) and who knew all of her days before even one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16).